If you've arrived in New Zealand from Asia, you'll have spent the preceding few months gorging yourself on masala dosa and Kingfisher, pad thai and Singha, peking duck and mou tai, teriyaki and Asahi. All dishes to delight and dazzle the taste buds but which probably kept your digestive system - how can i put this nicely - fluid.

Now that you've arrived in Auckland, those hostel prepared Maggi noodles aren't helping but all those hours spent squatting on 'elephant foot' toilets is about to come to an end because in a couple of days you're going to discover, Potato Wedges! You may think you've had potato wedges, but until you spent an afternoon in the bar of an old colonial hotel, with a couple of games of pool and a few bottles of Monteith's Gold, accompanied by a huge bowl of 'Kiwi' potato wedges with cheese, bacon bits, sour cream and spring onions, you just haven't had potato wedges. Unfortunately after so many months of Asian fluidity, all that roughage might cause your system to just, well, stop.

So here is a top ten list of activities New Zealand has on offer to get your system moving again.

Jet Boating
A flat-hulled jet boat, racing down the Shotover river, passing within inches of the canyon walls, executing gut-wrenching 360-degree spins. They call it 'Thrill Therapy', I call it an excellent cure for constipation.
www.shotoverjet.co.nz

Tandem Sky Dive
Freefalling over Lake Taupo in the heart of volcanic North Island offers some of the most stunning views in New Zealand - and there's some tough competition. It's not the jump so much as the slow climb to 5000metres that creates the queue for the bathroom at the back of the plane.
www.tts.net.nz

Sky Jump
A cable-controlled 192metre fall from the southern hemisphere's tallest building at 75kph for 16 seconds until a few feet above the ground. Where there's a Portaloo.
www.skyjump.co.nz

Waterfall Rafting
Two kilometers of white-knuckle, white-water rafting including adrenaline-soaked rapids and a 7-metre waterfall 'drop'. By raft or by one-man sledge, the churning, foaming waters are also New Zealand's most picturesque bidet.
www.kaitiaki.co.nz

Mountain Biking
By helicopter to 2000metres above Queenstown. By fastest route possible back to the bottom on a bicycle. No adrenaline junkie left un-junked. No knee left un-grazed. No underwear left unsoiled.
www.heli-adventures.co.nz
www.fat-tyre.co.nz
www.mountainbiking.co.nz

Swing High
Back to Shotover Canyon, New Zealand's premier laxative. Swing High is a 60metre, roped freefall into a smooth pendulum from 109metres above the river. Swinging through a 200metre arc at 150kph, the centrifugal force alone is enough to get your bowels moving.
www.canyonswing.co.nz

Zorbing
Proof that everyone in New Zealand should have a hobby, because Kiwis with time on their hands invent things like Zorbing. A huge, inflatable plastic ball, pushed down a mountain, with you inside it. This is great fun. Even their website is fun. But because you're in a clear plastic ball, please, please go to the toilet first.
www.zorb.com

Fly-by-wire
(from their website) "Fly-by-wire is the world's first adventure flight offering full pilot control of a high speed tethered plane" A high speed tethered WHAT?! For God's sake! Kiwi's, just buy some Ex-Lax! It's right there in the chemist's!
www.flybywire.co.nz

Blokarting
On any of New Zealand's many long, deserted beaches, you can be out for a quiet stroll and Whoooosh! From out of nowhere comes a sail, a three-wheel kart and a barely audible "'scuse me" as it disappears again. A Blokart, a go-kart with a sail, is actually a very safe way of getting your adrenalin fix. For the unsuspecting walker out on a deserted beach, however, it's an excellent solution to an impacted rectum.
www.blokart.com

Bungy Jumping
Ah, bungy. The Kiwi bowel-loosener that spawned an international industry in bowel-loosening. You can bungy all over New Zealand (including 'reverse' bungy where you get fired into the air in a steel cage. Kiwis are insane) but Queenstown is the home of bungy, from the original 43metre Kawarau Bridge jump, to the 134metre Nevis Highwire. The Nevis bungy site is almost two hours outside Queenstown by 4WD. Everyday eager adrenalin-junkies pack into the jeeps and head out to experience the 8.4 second, 120kph freefall. As you approach the bungy site you can smell the fear - fear smells like potato wedges.
www.ajhackett.com

If none of those take your fancy there's also Cave Abseiling (www.waitomo.co.nz), Kayaking (www.abeltasman.co.nz), Paragliding (www.paraglide.co.nz) or Captain Cook's Catapult where you are catapulted from a purpose-built ledge half way up Mount Cook and land, 600 metres below, in a specially-constructed pool of lukewarm water at the bottom of the Fox Glacier.

OK, so I made the last one up, but if it did exist, you would shit yourself. There was a photo which did the email rounds a few years ago of a guy who unfortunately managed to get his system moving again while bungy-jumping. Not a pretty sight. If you're heading for Aotearoa this winter, can i suggest you pack some plastic pants?

photo CC: The Southern Alps - Dongmei Li (China)